Weekends are still a challenge for me to stay on track, but this weekend has been my strongest yet. Can I just say how proud of myself I am? This is the first time in years that I've been motivated enough to continue my weight loss journey for more than a few days strung together or a random week here or there. It's been over a month that I've been making healthier choices and that makes me really happy.
I had a business meeting this week at my office (I mostly work from home) and met some new people on my team. Our supervisor asked us to go around the room and introduce ourselves, give our current company's work history and tell something special or fun about ourselves. The lady before me shared how she's started going to the gym and trying to work out again. Another lady mentioned she's on day 6 of a juice cleanse. I (by far the heaviest one in the room) mentioned that I too have started a weight loss journey and that it was going well.
They commended the lady for starting her workouts again. They told her what a great job she was doing. They told the juicing team member they wanted more info on the cleanse she was doing. And when it was my turn, they smiled and said with mildly reserved words, oh that's great, you keep it up now!
"You keep it up now." Like I am going to quit. Like they don't believe because I am so rotund I can accomplish a significant weight loss. Like they already think I will fail and they are trying to be encouraging in a restrained way. Like they are sure I will quit and I will stay obese and they will see no changes in me the next time they see me a month down the road.
You know what? It kind of ticked me off. The truth is its damn hard to lose weight. Especially when you have a sedentary lifestyle due to work and injuries that don't allow you to work out. And I have to be honest. I'm tired of judgmental stares and hidden glances. I'm sick of the rude faces and the better than you coughs and the raised eyebrows. I know I am fat. I know I need to lose weight. I know I have a long way to go to get to where I need to be. I am the one living in this body every day!
So now that I sit here in the quiet of my room when I should be sleeping I find myself reliving that moment earlier this week. "You keep it up now." And this is what I have to say. I am keeping it up. I have been keeping it up and each time you see me, you will see me proving you wrong. Your passive words meant to pacify me will not defeat me.
I had my daughter paint an inspirational quote for me that I hung on my bedroom wall. Right where I look towards a hundred times a day. It says "I WILL PERSIST UNTIL I SUCCEED." That has been such a helpful reminder for me. This is not about other people, their opinions or influences or challenges. This is personal. This is for me. For my health. For my future. For my kids. I will PERSIST until I SUCCEED! I will win this war!!
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