Winning the War on Fat (and Words)

Weekends are still a challenge for me to stay on track, but this weekend has been my strongest yet. Can I just say how proud of myself I am? This is the first time in years that I've been motivated enough to continue my weight loss journey for more than a few days strung together or a random week here or there. It's been over a month that I've been making healthier choices and that makes me really happy.

I had a business meeting this week at my office (I mostly work from home) and met some new people on my team. Our supervisor asked us to go around the room and introduce ourselves, give our current company's work history and tell something special or fun about ourselves. The lady before me shared how she's started going to the gym and trying to work out again. Another lady mentioned she's on day 6 of a juice cleanse. I (by far the heaviest one in the room) mentioned that I too have started a weight loss journey and that it was going well.

They commended the lady for starting her workouts again. They told her what a great job she was doing. They told the juicing team member they wanted more info on the cleanse she was doing. And when it was my turn, they smiled and said with mildly reserved words, oh that's great, you keep it up now!

"You keep it up now." Like I am going to quit. Like they don't believe because I am so rotund I can accomplish a significant weight loss. Like they already think I will fail and they are trying to be encouraging in a restrained way. Like they are sure I will quit and I will stay obese and they will see no changes in me the next time they see me a month down the road.

You know what? It kind of ticked me off. The truth is its damn hard to lose weight. Especially when you have a sedentary lifestyle due to work and injuries that don't allow you to work out. And I have to be honest. I'm tired of judgmental stares and hidden glances. I'm sick of the rude faces and the better than you coughs and the raised eyebrows. I know I am fat. I know I need to lose weight. I know I have a long way to go to get to where I need to be. I am the one living in this body every day!

So now that I sit here in the quiet of my room when I should be sleeping I find myself reliving that moment earlier this week. "You keep it up now." And this is what I have to say. I am keeping it up. I have been keeping it up and each time you see me, you will see me proving you wrong. Your passive words meant to pacify me will not defeat me.

I had my daughter paint an inspirational quote for me that I hung on my bedroom wall. Right where I look towards a hundred times a day. It says "I WILL PERSIST UNTIL I SUCCEED." That has been such a helpful reminder for me. This is not about other people, their opinions or influences or challenges. This is personal. This is for me. For my health. For my future. For my kids. I will PERSIST until I SUCCEED! I will win this war!!

Diet Quid Pro Quos

Let's be real here. There are some days that are not normal, do not go with the flow and are a struggle to get through and stay on plan for one reason or another. Let's talk about that today. I posted a day of pics where all my meals were nice and planned out and pretty much within the calorie count that I am trying to keep, but not every day is like that for me.

Sometimes I will eat the same meal more than once during different times of the day. If I'm trying to boost my loss I might have 2 shakes in a day, or if I'm running errands I might grab a bar to take with me and have 2 bars that day. If I have too many of one meal on hand, like my bars have been in my fridge too long or maybe there is something I don't like so much and I decide to just eat it more often to get it out of the way. If I'm starving at night I might eat an extra salad or snack or meal. I just do what works for me depending on my day, my needs, etc. 

If I am having a rough day physically or emotionally (I deal with occasional unexpected anxiety/depression) I might change it up a little. Last week I had a day where I had an awful headache for more than 24 hours. I'm a bit hypoglycemic so if I don't eat quickly enough the headache just grows worse and turns into a migraine and then I can't function at all. So on the day of my headache I ate more meals and snacks than normal and ate every 2 hours or less as needed. I went over my normal calorie intake, but still didn't go over the allowance per myfitnesspal app. (I actually aim for a number below the allowance the app gives me.) I also had a few ounces of cranberry juice 2 times that day when I was feeling sick and nauseous and continued to eat this way until the headache receded and I felt normal again.

What I am saying is, it is important to listen to your body. You know your body better than anyone else and even though you may be trying to lose weight and sticking to a meal plan and a certain caloric intake, sometimes it's okay to waiver from that a little, as long as you don't abuse it or take advantage of it, you know? This doesn't mean if you are having a grumpy moment or a bad day you can go off plan because you deserve it. This is for those times it's absolutely necessary to go beyond your normal plan. And always, always, ALWAYS pay attention to your body. If your body is telling you something isn't working for you or you need more or less or whatever, make some adjustments. Talk to your doctor. Monitor your blood sugar, your blood pressure, your salt intake, etc etc etc. Take care of YOU!

I'm not going to punish myself for days like the one I had last week with the headache. And on days when I am dealing with crushing grief and anxiety, if for some reason I can't stay on plan, I will allow myself to do what I need to do. And I will go right back on plan, or stay as on plan as I can and log every thing I eat and not feel guilty but be proud of myself for getting through a tough day, a sick day, a challenging moment and not derailing. Life isn't perfect and sometimes our best laid plans fail and things don't go as you had laid them out. And that's okay. 

Don't beat yourself up. Just keep going! Keep moving forward! You can do it! Be your own best cheerleader! Encourage yourself! Tell yourself how great you're doing! Remind yourself this is part of life and take one day, one moment, one meal at a time. And don't forget to drink your water. :)

A Day of Meals in Pictures!

Just an example of what I might eat in a day. Again, I try to focus around 100 calories or a little more per meal with exception of my 'lean and green' and space all meals about 2-3 hours apart. I also try to drink about 16 oz of water with each meal or between each meal. I don't always hit that goal, but sometimes I pass it.

Meal 1 - I like to start off my day with a shake. Right now I'm using Idealshake and I like it, it works well, keeps me full and satisfied. The shake uses 8 oz of water or milk (I use water), and Idealshake suggests you follow it up by drinking an additional 8 oz of water to 'activate' the shake and its filling properties.

Meal 2 - I eat a homemade protein bar. This one is flavored with cranberries and cinnamon. I found the recipe online. You can find it by googling "Joan bar recipe". There are also other variations of the bar I'm looking forward to trying in the future. It makes 20 bars, but I cut mine into 30, because that way I can control the calories and have it right around 100 calories. With a bottle of water it does keep me full for 2-3 hours. It's kind of like a spongey tea-cake like consistency, it's better than some protein bars I've had and enjoyable to eat, but not so to die for delicious that I will binge on it. Haha! That's perfect for me! You can store these in the fridge or freezer, I keep mine in the fridge.

Snack - Sometimes between meals I do get a little hungry, depending on my activities of the day. If I'm feeling like I've got the munchies, I will chop up 2 claussen pickle spears in little bite size pieces and have a laughing cow cheese wedge with it, eating teeny bites of the cheese between pickle bites. I love the flavor combo of the cheese and pickles together and it really satisfies that craving for something crunchy to nibble on and eating the pickle in little pieces helps me to make the snack last longer and fools me into feeling like I've had a treat. Together, it's only 45 calories. 5 cal per pickle spear and 35 for the cheese wedge.

Meal 3 - Cottage cheese and crackers. I pre-portion the crackers into snack size baggies when I open the box. Because I tend to be a snacker, it helps me to do this so I don't over eat. I can grab a baggie with the calorie content I want to eat and not worry about self control because there's no endless box of crackers in my hands to keep digging into. When the baggie is empty, it's empty and I'm done. 

Meal 4 - I love avocados and boiled eggs together. Salt & pepper on the eggs (they're a little discolored on the edges because they were dyed from Easter, older pic!) and light salt on the avocado. I only use 1/2 avocado at a time bc of calorie count. This meal is very filling and delicious, in my opinion!

Meal 5 - The Lean & Green Meal! This meal is a parmesan & garlic crusted tilapia filet from Van De Kamp's that I found in the frozen section. It comes with a pack of 2 filets so makes for 2 meals! I like to pair my fish with Green Giant's steamed green beans w/almonds. It comes in a box in the frozen section and inside the box is a steam bag of the green beans and a separate bag for the almonds. There's no seasoning on them, I don't even add salt/pepper, that's how yummy they are! I eat the entire package which counts as '3 servings' but it's really not a great amount of green beans, in fact I probably should have a second veggie with this meal. Usually I go with Gorton's grilled tilapia or salmon, but I enjoyed this filet, it almost has the taste of a fried fish, but it is baked in the oven. - This fish is not suggested to microwave. So I do have to plan ahead for this meal a little due to the filet.

Snack 2 - Sometimes I need a taste of something sweet after a meal, usually after the lean and green. Although I don't like eating sugar free products very often, I make an allowance on this one and keep it in my fridge as a staple when I am dieting and my kids are not allowed to touch them without permission! HA! Sugar free Jello brand lime jello is such a treat for me. If I am craving chocolate or sweets, this seriously does the job for me 98% of the time! AND it's only 10 calories! BAM!

Meal 6 - I love to snack before bed while I watch TV so my last meal sometimes will be natural almonds. A full serving is 28 almonds, that's a lot! I will also sometimes snack on these during the day if I need a little extra energy or fighting the munchies. I will eat 8 or 14, depending. I always count them out and log them into the my fitness pal ap. I purchase the giant Blue Diamond bag of them at Walmart and just refill this container as I empty it. Really convenient to have it on my bedside table or even throw it in my purse for if I'm running errands and not sure if I will have to eat when I'm out of the house.

WATER!!! - Last, but definitely not least is water. Drinking water always impacts my weight loss. The more I drink, the more I lose. I love water so that definitely helps. Although, giving up soda was a little hard, I had happily but unhealthily fallen into that bad habit. Something I like to do when drinking my water is to add either some grapefruit oil or lemon oil. Really, any citrus oil is great and helps to stimulate weight loss and curb appetites, but grapefruit oil helps me especially and I LOVE the taste of it in my water. It's not bitter or sour at all, in fact I think it sweetens the water! Love, love, LOVE it!!  And drinking out of a pretty glass doesn't hurt either!! :)  ... (I am a HUGE believer in essential oils and my brand of choice is Young Living Essential Oils. If you are interested in oils, comment below or private message me and I'd be glad to tell you more!) 

Ten Pounds Down!!

I plan to celebrate my victories and milestones. I can't always buy myself a gift and I definitely will not be rewarding myself with special food treats or meals like I would in the past when celebrating something, but I will give myself hurrahs and brag about it to a certain few people and revel in the congratulations I hear! 

So here is my first Victory! Although it's taken me several weeks to get here, I am so proud of myself for losing 10 pounds!!! Honestly I could definitely have hit that goal before now, but I wavered on the weekends and gained back 2 lbs then lost 2 and then gained it back again and lost it again. Hey, I'm human. I'm going to make mistakes and not be perfect and that is just me. But there's something exciting that goes along with this loss. It's more than just a scale victory of losing 10 lbs that I am celebrating.

When I am dieting, if I have a weak moment and give in to a cheat meal or treat of some kind, I usually let it derail me completely and it takes me a week or 2 or a month before I am back on plan again. This time has been different. I have had lapses when I am being social and eating out with friends or going to the drive in theater, but instead of letting that take me over, the next day or sometimes even the next meal I was back on plan. I've never done that before. I usually let my derailment become an excuse for me abusing myself by eating whatever I want whenever I want it because I failed. My cycle was to fail and then win at failing because I was losing at winning and not winning at losing! Haha! Tongue twister... 

But now even though one weekend it was the whole weekend, I get back on track much quicker and even my kids have remarked how proud of me they are about this, without me asking them Are you proud of me? So yes, I could have hit the 10 lb mark probably 2 weeks or a week ago, but I am here now and I am thrilled!

Another small victory to go along with this first milestone is when I was washing my hands in the restroom yesterday I looked at myself in the mirror and noticed my chin is slightly more defined or pronounced than it was! I thought my mind was playing tricks on me, but no! I am so happy! I usually see my weight loss in my face first and I've never been this heavy before and just have been so displeased with my very round faced and heavy necked reflection so I tend to avoid the mirror a lot. Now I get to search for subtle differences and celebrate them! Yay! I have a chin! Woohoooo!!!

On to the next 10 pounds down!